I'm struggling against the feelings of Life-Passing-Me-By blues. I'm not giving in, but I 'm not gaining much ground, either. Can't click "end game" and start over again for this life. But sometimes I wish I could at least back up and do a few things differently. I know that's not the answer, but can't help thinking how good that would be. There's a lot of things I would wipe from my mind and my psyche if I could, too. Things that can make me feel heavy and trapped.

I shouldn't be dwelling in this.  Shouldn't be listening to the negative judgements of myself in my head. Hm. I'll go on as always, and maybe get better at this life. By the time I die, maybe I will have learned enough to benefit me in the next. Wo. That is still melancholy. Part of me says, I'm not that melancholy person sitting glassy-eyed in her doldrums. Part of me says, yes, that's where I am right now. I'll get up in a minute. Just give me a minute. I'll come around. I always do.

 Yay! I now have a computer. Which should mean that I will blog more often. We'll see.

At the moment, I don't have a lot to say because I'm in the process of moving and general discombobulation resulting from reviewing all my and my daughter's possessions and letting go of more things than I even knew I had left to let go of. I really want a simplified life. I want to be clean and cleared out. I don't cling to things in excess, really, but I'm always amazed at how many pieces of the past follow me around in the form of papers, clothes, old school projects, etc. Some things I don't really consider releasing, mostly books and pictures. If I imagine myself suddenly deprived of any of my attachments, even books, I feel a little strange but also really free and okay. However, making a decision to throw or give something away is a different process entirely.

Hmm. I could just take a bunch of these boxes of stuff and destroy them and have them only in my memory. Wouldn't that feel good. To just walk away from it.  Ah-h-h. Someday . . .

 Anyway, I've a respite for a few days with relatives in Tennessee. Lovely people. Really. They gifted me with this computer.

I've been thinking of Yule. Things that end and things that begin.

The old falling away. That could be the distance I've placed around me between me and much of the world. The protection once necessary, in this case, can be loosened, lessened. The new thing beginning. That could be a new Trust in the firm foundation, friends, and guidance that will lead me out into the open air and the New World of my true life.

On a more concrete plane. Falling away. That could be the fear of looking at my bank statement because there may not be enough there to meet my needs. The new thing beginning. Trust in my power to call to myself all I need and more; because I am learning how to tap in to my LifeStream.

There. That's a start. And the list is growing.

Hello out there! Upon the internet ethers I cast this greeting. Who knows where it will land.

I am new to this path, and yet I have always been on this Path. I have always been the Wanderer upon the earth and the Eagle in the sky.

As the Wanderer, having found this path, I look forward to what I will learn. I don't even know what to call myself yet. I don't like the limitations of labels, but I like the information they can provide. So I'll let you know if I figure out what I am.

As the Eagle, I trace the pattern of my life from above and sense the beauty and meaning in every moment. I see far and know that new souls I meet are meant to be met by me.

This is not much to go on, but it could be enough for now. If you feel like it, send me a line or two. I look forward to reading your thoughts.